Today

Jul. 14th, 2017 11:30 am
malibunny: Sunshine (Sunshine)
 Today is going to be a good day I think, despite how anxious we woke up. I took my anxiety medication, and I feel anxious still but it's way less paralyzing. By tonight, in less than 12 hours, I'll be with our partner system. 

I've been a little bit front-stuck or something lately, and it's wigging me out. As usual, front-stuck becomes "omg i'm faking it" but it's not true. I really haven't even been front-stuck I've just been fronting a lot, and so have Duke, Carson, and Misty. I've even heard from Mac, and Daisy came out last night to hold me because I was upset while we were trying to sleep. I think it's just because me and Carson have such a um like Robust Fantasy Life that we can deal with (aka avoid) stress like marginally better than some other people.

The other thing is we wish we could feel emotions without immediately overanalyzing them to see whether they prove or disprove that we have xyz thing. I'd like to be able to feel an emotion whether it's good or bad without immediately wondering "is it real?" "what could have caused me to have this emotion besides ~pure neurodivergence~?" "does this mean it counts towards xyz? or does it prove I was wrong all along?"

I had a bad dream last night, but it's hard to call it a bad dream when our first instinct is to discredit it as just an average dream, because other people have the real bad dreams, not us. 

This is all negative but we feel hopeful about today. This weekend will be good, it just seems a little far still. We have to go do our volunteering, which won't be bad except it's hot out, and then we'll probably just sort of fuck around until it's 6PM and we can go. 

I don't know who I am, figuratively, maybe literally. I'm Sunshine but there might be someone else here who's not awake or not talking yet.

- Sunny
malibunny: Sunshine (Sunshine)
 I am craving an iced coffee from Starbucks, my headache to go away, and a cold La Croix that doesn't make me have to pee when I drink it.

I also want to stop being reminded of the "existance" of the illuminati when I watch music videos because it ruins the experience and makes me nervous.

- Sunny
malibunny: Sunshine (Sunshine)
 I want to feel them, I'm worried none of them are real. 

I've been wanting to post here but I don't have very much to post about. 

It's July 14th, 5 months after Valentines Day? 

- Sunny

Art part 2

Jul. 11th, 2017 10:22 pm
malibunny: Duke (Duke)
We finally feel like we're starting to master color, or at least make it do the things we want it to instead of guessing and checking over and over until it works (or doesn't, as the case may be). We've been able to draw things in the past 2 days that have been really satisfying to look at afterwards mostly because of how successful the color palette was. And I think we're finally starting to figure out how to not over-complicate our subject matter because we feel like we're required to or else we're not "challenging ourselves". Apparently when we stop trying to "challenge ourselves" (aka we stop setting impossible standards/giving ourselves impossible goals) we can actually make things that we actually find pretty. 

I know Misty was super down about our art earlier, and I think it's just a little bit of a mood swing rn, or that was before or whatever, but I'm feeling way more optimistic. I think we're improving, we just have to like, have the energy to actually do it. I'm gonna paint an ear :) 

- Duke 

Boyf

Jul. 11th, 2017 07:15 pm
malibunny: Sunshine (Sunshine)
[PDA]

My bf is literally so cute I've been showing him pics of cute cat girls and stuff and his reactions are so adorable I love him so much I wish he was actually physically with me rn but we're gonna get to spend the weekend together yay! 

- Sunny

Art

Jul. 11th, 2017 03:27 pm
malibunny: Misty (Misty)
 I think something that would make me feel better is if I could make art that I really like, and also if I could make money off of it. The problem is that we're so exhausted most of the time, and our executive function sucks when it comes to sitting down to make art, so we just don't make things, plus despite us loving to write, actually planning a story is almost impossible for us to do because we don't think narratively like that. We do have a horror comic we want to make at some point, it would just be challenging to draw because of the whole... gimmick of it. We want to work on our horror website, we just feel bad because we don't want to give our partner system more things to think about, plus we feel like no help because plot is so soooo hard for me/us. 

I don't know how to think in a way that makes plot easier to come up with. I always feel like whatever I'm thinking of is too cliche, or gimmicky, or already been done (despite liking things that take inspiration from other things... and besides, what great work of art/writing/acting/music/Anything doesn't take any inspiration from anywhere else?), or it's just bad, or not deep enough, or too pretentious, or whatever, I just can't pick something. Except doppelgangers bc that's my fav though and like everything that I have been making lately has to do with them.

- MISTY

Anxiety

Jul. 11th, 2017 02:45 pm
malibunny: Misty (Misty)
I woke up really anxious today, feeling very light headed and tired, and I'm not sure what to do about it. Ever since I got back from Vegas it feels like some kind of safety net/wall we had disappeared and I'm so scared of what to do. I don't feel any more capable of getting/holding a job than I did 5 years ago. 

I wish it didn't feel like there's something wrong with me that makes me unable to do the things that other people can do so easily. I'm so embarrassed to be me, I wish I could act anything like a normal human. When someone else comes out later, or I'm in a better mood later, I want to post something that's more happy or interesting because I want this blog to not just be a place where I complain. 

- Misty
malibunny: Sunshine (Sunshine)
 I'm so lonely tonight :( I wish my boyf was here (or anyone from my partner system!). I also feel kinda bad for spamming this blog but this is what it's for right? I'm feeling this way more than our system blog on Tumblr but that might be because it's new and junk. But also less scary 'cause not that scary system drama that could find you at any moment. :( 

I feel a lot better than I did earlier. My cat just literally made The Creepiest sound though outside my door it literally made my like shiver with fear, I'm typing this 'cause i'm trying to remember that it was logically my cat and not anything dangerous. :) 

Ok back to being lonely: I'm gonna sleep soon so I don't have to stay lonely and I can just sleep. Oh my god my cat was on my bed that was why the sound sounded so close ghsldkfjdl I thought he was outside my door. He blends in with my comforter I'm so dumb OMG. 

- Sunny

Floating

Jul. 10th, 2017 09:44 pm
malibunny: Sunshine (Sunshine)
[negative]

We forget we're complicated people when we see the way other people look at us. The environment on Tumblr makes us forget to see ourselves or anyone else as anything other than a collection of labels, that we have to measure ourselves against. I feel stupid and we have trouble remembering who we are, or what our life was like and who i am makes me feel sick. I hate questioning everything about us all the time I'm so sick of not being real but I don't know if we'll ever be able to get back to feeling real because we were only real for such a short period of time and I hate everything. I hate how me and Duke and Misty and whoever the hell else can't just feel things we have to analyze everything we feel to see if it lines up with any symptom and is it big enough? does it make us real? and it never does it's always fake and it's always too small.

- Sunny

Marya

Jul. 10th, 2017 03:51 pm
malibunny: Duke (Duke)
We've been super unsure about whether or not Marya is fully gone at this point. Maybe she kinda served her purpose and then integrated or dissolved into the rest of us, but we keep wondering whether under different circumstances she might come back.

She was the first one that really made us notice that we were plural, before we knew what being plural was, so even though she was cruel and upsetting, it's kinda weird to think she might be gone. Especially because lately we've been afraid that we've "become neurotypical"/"gotten over" everything, and because she was such a manifestation of that stuff we're worried that it's proof that we've just "gotten over it" and so if we continue to engage with other people who haven't "gotten over" everything in their lives we're just evil ugly fakes. 

Still, we think that she might have just transferred parts of herself to parts of ourselves, like before she disappeared I didn't age regress when we get triggered, or at least I didn't notice that I did, and the way Sunny gets angry sometimes reminds us of Marya. (note: Sunny doesn't hurt us or whatever, we don't wanna make it sound like she's dangerous to us she just gets upset, like many people do lol)

We also wish we could remember Marya's real name, we gave her the name Marya, and before that it was Red, but she had a name back when we were 10-14 or so but we can't remember it. :(

- Duke

About Us

Jul. 10th, 2017 02:44 pm
malibunny: Icon, System (Default)

Hi it's Malibunny or Bunno or 27 or Thrice Nine or any combination of those.

We're a plural system of 9, give or take. We're 23 years old physically, and as a whole we identify as genderfluid, and if you're not sure which pronouns to use/who is fronting, just use they/them. If you do know who's fronting then just use their pronouns (but if you use they/them accidentally nobody will get upset).

ThisHouse is our partner system, several of our members are in relationships with several of theirs. :)

Misty and Duke are our split "originals", there was a third part, Marya, but she seems to have gone dormant, or dispersed into different parts of us. Misty and Duke are 23, Marya was 10-13, but she's not here. 

Misty uses they/them pronouns and is genderfluid and aroace. Sometimes Misty might use she/her to refer to themselves. Misty is Otherkin, specifically fae, and very serious about it; they and Duke awakened in 2011. Misty went to college to get a degree in Fine Arts, and loves to paint and write. They, along with Duke and Daisy, love horror, it's our longest standing special interest, we love all kinds of horror, but especially 80s/early 90s horror movies, horror stories, horror web-art, and survival horror games.

Duke uses she/her pronouns, she's a girl, and she is bi and gray-ace. She and Misty are seelie, solitary fae (summer court). She is 23, but sometimes age regresses under certain circumstances. She loves music, especially 80s goth rock and 90s grunge. Her (and our) favorite band is Alice in Chains. 

Daisy is an ageless uncanny valley girl, she is bisexual and uses she/her pronouns. Daisy is a robot-angel who came from outside the system at a time when we were under a lot of stress. She appeared to us, and then a few months later joined our system. She has adjusted well to living here, and has a home on the edge of our headspace, between Headspace and Astral. She comes from the future Terminator 2 style, she lives in the desert, she's half girl, half robot, and half ravioli. 

Nona is an Autistic Fairy, she is between 4 years old and ageless, and an egg, inside a frog, inside a bird, inside a monkey, inside a horrible little goblin. Nona uses she/her, or it/its pronouns. She is nonverbal except for echolalia, she loves memes, wizards, and fruitsoftheape100. She appears as a tiny goblin, or a bearded, robed wizard.

Mac is a fictive. He is 25-35 years old, and uses he/him pronouns, he is also gay and gray-ace. Mac has gone through a lot of identity issues, he's chill most of the time, he likes to watch action movies and listen to music. 

The Pisces Subsystem is our median subsystem of three.

1. Carson the "original" of his subsystem. He uses he/him, he's 23, and he's gay. His subsystem fronts most frequently (usually). He is a post-fictive, and he's Otherkin, specifically selkie 'kin (harbor seal). He can be childish and affectionate, he is rabbit-hearted. He likes video games and stuffed animals.

2. Sunny uses she/her, she is straight, and she's usually about 18-23. She broke off from Carson, and for a while she thought she was a gay boy, but recently she realized she's a girl. She's a moody, affectionate princess. She likes to imagine herself as a girl-monster from a horror movie, she's also a seal but has less connection to rabbits. She is Carson's girl self, and Carson is her boy self.

3. CJ (Carson Jr.) uses he/him, he is 9-13 usually. CJ was just Carson's age-regressed self, but he became his own person. He is extremely shy, and usually has someone else say things for him. He enjoys Zootopia, rabbits, rabbits, and being surrounded by love and support. He is a rabbit, and also a selkie.

Tracy, and the rest of us, believed that he might be another offshoot of the Pisces subsystem, but as it turns out he's not. He uses he/him pronouns, he is 23, and he is aroace. Tracy hasn't fronted in a while, but he's most likely still around. He likes music and he's pretty chill. He had a life outside our system, he was from the northeastern US.

Profile

malibunny: Icon, System (Default)
malibunny

December 2017

S M T W T F S
     12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
2425 2627282930
31      

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jul. 11th, 2025 07:59 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios