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Oh by the way it was our irl best friend's birthday today! We went out to lunch and hung out, and later our partner system came over and we watched Suicide Squad. It was all really nice and fun, except we didn't enjoy Suicide Squad very much (we totally thought we would!).
We drew our bff Harley Quinn for her bday, and it turned out nice! It was a good day and I wasn't horribly anxious and yeah. :)
- Duke
We drew our bff Harley Quinn for her bday, and it turned out nice! It was a good day and I wasn't horribly anxious and yeah. :)
- Duke
Art!!! Art!!!
Jul. 20th, 2017 09:15 pm So I/we've been feeling more confident about our art now that we've (a) started doing it more often (although we do get into art kicks that don't last forever but we're reallly gonna try and make this last as long as we can), and (b) stopped trying to make ourselves draw/paint the most challenging thing possible ~or else we'll never grow as an artist~. If anything that was just stunting us by either making us too afraid to start, or making us hate everything we made/be unable to finish it because it just isn't within our range right now.
Now almost everything we make we really like! Yeah, the subject matter is more simple and self indulgent, but I figure that's a good thing! We wanna link to a few places to find our art, because we want to get it out there a little bit more for when we start commissions, and more importantly to get it out there so we can meet more artists and learn from each other :))
http://malibunny.deviantart.com/ our deviantart! (just began today)
http://twitter.com/multipulp our nsfw art twitter. Feel free to request to follow, we'll let anyone follow as long as they're 18+ and honestly most of the good art we've been making is on there. It also links to our nsfw art tumblr.
Also question for anyone who draws nsfw: is there a good place to put it besides tumblr? Because our blog is flagged as nsfw, so we're not sure if it shows up in search results consistently, and it's kinda hard to get off the ground on tumblr bc it's not primarily an art site, and our personalities are... Unpalatable to a degree, in the sense that we'll never be popular on tumblr for being funny/relatable, and we're absolutely no good at making friends. (this isn't meant to be self pitying, thems just the facts)
- Duke
Now almost everything we make we really like! Yeah, the subject matter is more simple and self indulgent, but I figure that's a good thing! We wanna link to a few places to find our art, because we want to get it out there a little bit more for when we start commissions, and more importantly to get it out there so we can meet more artists and learn from each other :))
http://malibunny.deviantart.com/ our deviantart! (just began today)
http://twitter.com/multipulp our nsfw art twitter. Feel free to request to follow, we'll let anyone follow as long as they're 18+ and honestly most of the good art we've been making is on there. It also links to our nsfw art tumblr.
Also question for anyone who draws nsfw: is there a good place to put it besides tumblr? Because our blog is flagged as nsfw, so we're not sure if it shows up in search results consistently, and it's kinda hard to get off the ground on tumblr bc it's not primarily an art site, and our personalities are... Unpalatable to a degree, in the sense that we'll never be popular on tumblr for being funny/relatable, and we're absolutely no good at making friends. (this isn't meant to be self pitying, thems just the facts)
- Duke
Borderline
Jul. 18th, 2017 11:19 pm We'd been so sure we're borderline (except when we weren't sure bc we doubt ourselves so much, or at least some of us do), and now for a while we've been having a major crisis about how we're probably not, it's probably just our autisticness, etc. but anyway i'm either having a moment of delusion or clarity bc i Do think we're borderline, it's just that we've been going through a weird time that's made it harder to recognize. Maybe if anyone else who's borderline can weigh in if you've experienced something like this?
Our mood swings for the past year or so have been almost nothing. We thought that we had somehow suddenly "grown out of our bpd" or been cured somehow, but now I think it's just because of how this year has been. When we were on vacation with our family week before last (or whenever it was tbh), our mood swings came back full force, as did our anxiety, but we can feel them starting to settle again (at least the mood swings, not the anxiety quite so much).
I think we've been feeling so... Blah, not 'cause we've been cured, bc if that were the case why aren't we actually Happy, why just... Not totally unstable? And I think it's because for the past year we've been living at home with our mom an step dad. We haven't been able to find a job, and we've essentially been spending all our time in one room in bed, because we're too anxious to spend extended time in any other room of the house. There's nothing for us to react to, so our moods are relatively stable because we're just in this horrible limbo. It feels like there's no past or future, but in school it felt like there was stuff going on, and deadlines, and worrying about the future, and now everything's just kind of on hold, so we're just kinda waiting.
But when we did have the stress of the vacation, we saw ourselves getting all mood swing-y again. Also I know there's more to bpd than mood swings but anything and everything will make us feel like we're faking.
We're mostly just dissociating or anxious now, but it doesn't feel like it's a welcome break, it feels more like a punishment for us being too useless to get a job (not that we think anyone else struggling to get a job is useless).
- Duke
Our mood swings for the past year or so have been almost nothing. We thought that we had somehow suddenly "grown out of our bpd" or been cured somehow, but now I think it's just because of how this year has been. When we were on vacation with our family week before last (or whenever it was tbh), our mood swings came back full force, as did our anxiety, but we can feel them starting to settle again (at least the mood swings, not the anxiety quite so much).
I think we've been feeling so... Blah, not 'cause we've been cured, bc if that were the case why aren't we actually Happy, why just... Not totally unstable? And I think it's because for the past year we've been living at home with our mom an step dad. We haven't been able to find a job, and we've essentially been spending all our time in one room in bed, because we're too anxious to spend extended time in any other room of the house. There's nothing for us to react to, so our moods are relatively stable because we're just in this horrible limbo. It feels like there's no past or future, but in school it felt like there was stuff going on, and deadlines, and worrying about the future, and now everything's just kind of on hold, so we're just kinda waiting.
But when we did have the stress of the vacation, we saw ourselves getting all mood swing-y again. Also I know there's more to bpd than mood swings but anything and everything will make us feel like we're faking.
We're mostly just dissociating or anxious now, but it doesn't feel like it's a welcome break, it feels more like a punishment for us being too useless to get a job (not that we think anyone else struggling to get a job is useless).
- Duke
Art part 2
Jul. 11th, 2017 10:22 pmWe finally feel like we're starting to master color, or at least make it do the things we want it to instead of guessing and checking over and over until it works (or doesn't, as the case may be). We've been able to draw things in the past 2 days that have been really satisfying to look at afterwards mostly because of how successful the color palette was. And I think we're finally starting to figure out how to not over-complicate our subject matter because we feel like we're required to or else we're not "challenging ourselves". Apparently when we stop trying to "challenge ourselves" (aka we stop setting impossible standards/giving ourselves impossible goals) we can actually make things that we actually find pretty.
I know Misty was super down about our art earlier, and I think it's just a little bit of a mood swing rn, or that was before or whatever, but I'm feeling way more optimistic. I think we're improving, we just have to like, have the energy to actually do it. I'm gonna paint an ear :)
- Duke
I know Misty was super down about our art earlier, and I think it's just a little bit of a mood swing rn, or that was before or whatever, but I'm feeling way more optimistic. I think we're improving, we just have to like, have the energy to actually do it. I'm gonna paint an ear :)
- Duke
We've been super unsure about whether or not Marya is fully gone at this point. Maybe she kinda served her purpose and then integrated or dissolved into the rest of us, but we keep wondering whether under different circumstances she might come back.
She was the first one that really made us notice that we were plural, before we knew what being plural was, so even though she was cruel and upsetting, it's kinda weird to think she might be gone. Especially because lately we've been afraid that we've "become neurotypical"/"gotten over" everything, and because she was such a manifestation of that stuff we're worried that it's proof that we've just "gotten over it" and so if we continue to engage with other people who haven't "gotten over" everything in their lives we're just evil ugly fakes.
Still, we think that she might have just transferred parts of herself to parts of ourselves, like before she disappeared I didn't age regress when we get triggered, or at least I didn't notice that I did, and the way Sunny gets angry sometimes reminds us of Marya. (note: Sunny doesn't hurt us or whatever, we don't wanna make it sound like she's dangerous to us she just gets upset, like many people do lol)
We also wish we could remember Marya's real name, we gave her the name Marya, and before that it was Red, but she had a name back when we were 10-14 or so but we can't remember it. :(
- Duke
She was the first one that really made us notice that we were plural, before we knew what being plural was, so even though she was cruel and upsetting, it's kinda weird to think she might be gone. Especially because lately we've been afraid that we've "become neurotypical"/"gotten over" everything, and because she was such a manifestation of that stuff we're worried that it's proof that we've just "gotten over it" and so if we continue to engage with other people who haven't "gotten over" everything in their lives we're just evil ugly fakes.
Still, we think that she might have just transferred parts of herself to parts of ourselves, like before she disappeared I didn't age regress when we get triggered, or at least I didn't notice that I did, and the way Sunny gets angry sometimes reminds us of Marya. (note: Sunny doesn't hurt us or whatever, we don't wanna make it sound like she's dangerous to us she just gets upset, like many people do lol)
We also wish we could remember Marya's real name, we gave her the name Marya, and before that it was Red, but she had a name back when we were 10-14 or so but we can't remember it. :(
- Duke
