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malibunny Today is going to be a good day I think, despite how anxious we woke up. I took my anxiety medication, and I feel anxious still but it's way less paralyzing. By tonight, in less than 12 hours, I'll be with our partner system.
I've been a little bit front-stuck or something lately, and it's wigging me out. As usual, front-stuck becomes "omg i'm faking it" but it's not true. I really haven't even been front-stuck I've just been fronting a lot, and so have Duke, Carson, and Misty. I've even heard from Mac, and Daisy came out last night to hold me because I was upset while we were trying to sleep. I think it's just because me and Carson have such a um like Robust Fantasy Life that we can deal with (aka avoid) stress like marginally better than some other people.
The other thing is we wish we could feel emotions without immediately overanalyzing them to see whether they prove or disprove that we have xyz thing. I'd like to be able to feel an emotion whether it's good or bad without immediately wondering "is it real?" "what could have caused me to have this emotion besides ~pure neurodivergence~?" "does this mean it counts towards xyz? or does it prove I was wrong all along?"
I had a bad dream last night, but it's hard to call it a bad dream when our first instinct is to discredit it as just an average dream, because other people have the real bad dreams, not us.
This is all negative but we feel hopeful about today. This weekend will be good, it just seems a little far still. We have to go do our volunteering, which won't be bad except it's hot out, and then we'll probably just sort of fuck around until it's 6PM and we can go.
I don't know who I am, figuratively, maybe literally. I'm Sunshine but there might be someone else here who's not awake or not talking yet.
- Sunny
I've been a little bit front-stuck or something lately, and it's wigging me out. As usual, front-stuck becomes "omg i'm faking it" but it's not true. I really haven't even been front-stuck I've just been fronting a lot, and so have Duke, Carson, and Misty. I've even heard from Mac, and Daisy came out last night to hold me because I was upset while we were trying to sleep. I think it's just because me and Carson have such a um like Robust Fantasy Life that we can deal with (aka avoid) stress like marginally better than some other people.
The other thing is we wish we could feel emotions without immediately overanalyzing them to see whether they prove or disprove that we have xyz thing. I'd like to be able to feel an emotion whether it's good or bad without immediately wondering "is it real?" "what could have caused me to have this emotion besides ~pure neurodivergence~?" "does this mean it counts towards xyz? or does it prove I was wrong all along?"
I had a bad dream last night, but it's hard to call it a bad dream when our first instinct is to discredit it as just an average dream, because other people have the real bad dreams, not us.
This is all negative but we feel hopeful about today. This weekend will be good, it just seems a little far still. We have to go do our volunteering, which won't be bad except it's hot out, and then we'll probably just sort of fuck around until it's 6PM and we can go.
I don't know who I am, figuratively, maybe literally. I'm Sunshine but there might be someone else here who's not awake or not talking yet.
- Sunny
