Lonely Rambling (it got away from me)

 I'm so lonely tonight :( I wish my boyf was here (or anyone from my partner system!). I also feel kinda bad for spamming this blog but this is what it's for right? I'm feeling this way more than our system blog on Tumblr but that might be because it's new and junk. But also less scary 'cause not that scary system drama that could find you at any moment. :( 

I feel a lot better than I did earlier. My cat just literally made The Creepiest sound though outside my door it literally made my like shiver with fear, I'm typing this 'cause i'm trying to remember that it was logically my cat and not anything dangerous. :) 

Ok back to being lonely: I'm gonna sleep soon so I don't have to stay lonely and I can just sleep. Oh my god my cat was on my bed that was why the sound sounded so close ghsldkfjdl I thought he was outside my door. He blends in with my comforter I'm so dumb OMG. 

- Sunny

Anxiety

I woke up really anxious today, feeling very light headed and tired, and I'm not sure what to do about it. Ever since I got back from Vegas it feels like some kind of safety net/wall we had disappeared and I'm so scared of what to do. I don't feel any more capable of getting/holding a job than I did 5 years ago. 

I wish it didn't feel like there's something wrong with me that makes me unable to do the things that other people can do so easily. I'm so embarrassed to be me, I wish I could act anything like a normal human. When someone else comes out later, or I'm in a better mood later, I want to post something that's more happy or interesting because I want this blog to not just be a place where I complain. 

- Misty

Art

 I think something that would make me feel better is if I could make art that I really like, and also if I could make money off of it. The problem is that we're so exhausted most of the time, and our executive function sucks when it comes to sitting down to make art, so we just don't make things, plus despite us loving to write, actually planning a story is almost impossible for us to do because we don't think narratively like that. We do have a horror comic we want to make at some point, it would just be challenging to draw because of the whole... gimmick of it. We want to work on our horror website, we just feel bad because we don't want to give our partner system more things to think about, plus we feel like no help because plot is so soooo hard for me/us. 

I don't know how to think in a way that makes plot easier to come up with. I always feel like whatever I'm thinking of is too cliche, or gimmicky, or already been done (despite liking things that take inspiration from other things... and besides, what great work of art/writing/acting/music/Anything doesn't take any inspiration from anywhere else?), or it's just bad, or not deep enough, or too pretentious, or whatever, I just can't pick something. Except doppelgangers bc that's my fav though and like everything that I have been making lately has to do with them.

- MISTY

Boyf

[PDA]

My bf is literally so cute I've been showing him pics of cute cat girls and stuff and his reactions are so adorable I love him so much I wish he was actually physically with me rn but we're gonna get to spend the weekend together yay! 

- Sunny

Art part 2

We finally feel like we're starting to master color, or at least make it do the things we want it to instead of guessing and checking over and over until it works (or doesn't, as the case may be). We've been able to draw things in the past 2 days that have been really satisfying to look at afterwards mostly because of how successful the color palette was. And I think we're finally starting to figure out how to not over-complicate our subject matter because we feel like we're required to or else we're not "challenging ourselves". Apparently when we stop trying to "challenge ourselves" (aka we stop setting impossible standards/giving ourselves impossible goals) we can actually make things that we actually find pretty. 

I know Misty was super down about our art earlier, and I think it's just a little bit of a mood swing rn, or that was before or whatever, but I'm feeling way more optimistic. I think we're improving, we just have to like, have the energy to actually do it. I'm gonna paint an ear :) 

- Duke