malibunny: Icon, System (Default)
2017-07-10 02:44 pm

[sticky entry] Sticky: About Us

Hi it's Malibunny or Bunno or 27 or Thrice Nine or any combination of those.

We're a plural system of 9, give or take. We're 23 years old physically, and as a whole we identify as genderfluid, and if you're not sure which pronouns to use/who is fronting, just use they/them. If you do know who's fronting then just use their pronouns (but if you use they/them accidentally nobody will get upset).

ThisHouse is our partner system, several of our members are in relationships with several of theirs. :)

Misty and Duke are our split "originals", there was a third part, Marya, but she seems to have gone dormant, or dispersed into different parts of us. Misty and Duke are 23, Marya was 10-13, but she's not here. 

Misty uses they/them pronouns and is genderfluid and aroace. Sometimes Misty might use she/her to refer to themselves. Misty is Otherkin, specifically fae, and very serious about it; they and Duke awakened in 2011. Misty went to college to get a degree in Fine Arts, and loves to paint and write. They, along with Duke and Daisy, love horror, it's our longest standing special interest, we love all kinds of horror, but especially 80s/early 90s horror movies, horror stories, horror web-art, and survival horror games.

Duke uses she/her pronouns, she's a girl, and she is bi and gray-ace. She and Misty are seelie, solitary fae (summer court). She is 23, but sometimes age regresses under certain circumstances. She loves music, especially 80s goth rock and 90s grunge. Her (and our) favorite band is Alice in Chains. 

Daisy is an ageless uncanny valley girl, she is bisexual and uses she/her pronouns. Daisy is a robot-angel who came from outside the system at a time when we were under a lot of stress. She appeared to us, and then a few months later joined our system. She has adjusted well to living here, and has a home on the edge of our headspace, between Headspace and Astral. She comes from the future Terminator 2 style, she lives in the desert, she's half girl, half robot, and half ravioli. 

Nona is an Autistic Fairy, she is between 4 years old and ageless, and an egg, inside a frog, inside a bird, inside a monkey, inside a horrible little goblin. Nona uses she/her, or it/its pronouns. She is nonverbal except for echolalia, she loves memes, wizards, and fruitsoftheape100. She appears as a tiny goblin, or a bearded, robed wizard.

Mac is a fictive. He is 25-35 years old, and uses he/him pronouns, he is also gay and gray-ace. Mac has gone through a lot of identity issues, he's chill most of the time, he likes to watch action movies and listen to music. 

The Pisces Subsystem is our median subsystem of three.

1. Carson the "original" of his subsystem. He uses he/him, he's 23, and he's gay. His subsystem fronts most frequently (usually). He is a post-fictive, and he's Otherkin, specifically selkie 'kin (harbor seal). He can be childish and affectionate, he is rabbit-hearted. He likes video games and stuffed animals.

2. Sunny uses she/her, she is straight, and she's usually about 18-23. She broke off from Carson, and for a while she thought she was a gay boy, but recently she realized she's a girl. She's a moody, affectionate princess. She likes to imagine herself as a girl-monster from a horror movie, she's also a seal but has less connection to rabbits. She is Carson's girl self, and Carson is her boy self.

3. CJ (Carson Jr.) uses he/him, he is 9-13 usually. CJ was just Carson's age-regressed self, but he became his own person. He is extremely shy, and usually has someone else say things for him. He enjoys Zootopia, rabbits, rabbits, and being surrounded by love and support. He is a rabbit, and also a selkie.

Tracy, and the rest of us, believed that he might be another offshoot of the Pisces subsystem, but as it turns out he's not. He uses he/him pronouns, he is 23, and he is aroace. Tracy hasn't fronted in a while, but he's most likely still around. He likes music and he's pretty chill. He had a life outside our system, he was from the northeastern US.

malibunny: Daisy Della, Cherry Blue (Daisy)
2017-12-26 03:51 pm
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(no subject)

 I'm back again! Not here, I was afraid to come back to the front because I was feeling things that I had never felt, and it was embarrassing and I felt like I lost who I was, but I found it again, and I can forgive myself. I finally feel like myself again, I hope this stays, I missed being here. I love everyone around me so much! I love you! 

- Daisy Della 
malibunny: Misty (Misty)
2017-11-04 09:11 pm
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Website Building

 We want to build some experimental/art websites, one I think will be a tour of my grandmother's haunted basement/a tour of dreams I never had. I don't know if it will work, but I definitley want to at least try!

- Misty
malibunny: Pisces (Pisces)
2017-11-04 01:25 am
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Oops

 Frustratingly convinced we don't actually have BPD again... We were totally sure we did just a week or less ago and now we're sure we don't again. Can we just have some consistency? Our big worry is that because we realized we might have BPD at ~18 that we were just mistaking other issues for that, despite knowing we fit the criteria. Our mood swings are our best indicator to prove to us that it's still there and we're sure our mood swings have calmed down lately. 

We just wish we could feel consistent. We're not even sure if it's true that we haven't had as many mood swings. We might just be remembering things wrong, we've been dissociating a lot which... We don't really know why, except maybe because it's winter, and we're more stressed? Everything just feels horrible and weird and we're afraid we feel ~too ok~ with that, silly as that sounds. Oh Welllll.

Sorry for being so negative, we just didn't know where to post this. We have this crisis all the time!

- Pisces'

malibunny: Daisy Della, Cherry Blue (Daisy)
2017-11-01 05:25 pm
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Class

 Class went pretty fine yesterday. We're still worried, it will only get harder, but maybe it won't be so bad. We're not sure if we'll make any friends, everyone is older than us, but who knows. We might try to switch seats to try and sit next to people who are closer to our age, though. 

I'm not sure. Last night we went trick or treating in ACNL, that was fun, although we had to time travel back an hour because we missed it in one of our towns, but still, daylight savings time is this weekend, so really it worked out fine. ~_~ I wish I had more to say. I've been gone for a while, I'm just relaying things other people have done, really. Carson has been out mostly, he's reclaiming his place as main fronter probably. Maybe not. We're still waiting for our hair to grow out. We had a weird dream, we posted it on Tumblr, but I think I'll post it here too.

Goodbye! ~__~ 

- Daisy
malibunny: Carson Patrice (Carson)
2017-10-28 07:30 pm
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stwess :(

 We've been soooo stressed out for the past week bc we're starting a coding bootcamp and we just feel like we're busy/we've been having a lot of anxiety/mood swings and it's sapping our energy VoV. We wanna update here more but we just don't have the energy a lot, but hopefully things will feel slightly less stressful once we actually start? It's only 3 days a week, which isn't really that bad it just feels really scary rn. :< 

- Carson
malibunny: Mac (Mac)
2017-10-19 11:38 pm
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Fall

 We always forget what fall feels like until it's here, and we're like... Idk we're in a super weird mood cause of it. I haven't been out much until recently, i realized that cold weather means I can wear more clothing that I like. I'm kinda excited for our hair growing out, as is Sunny (who's here too), I'm thinking I could go for that Nick Cave look or something, like long hair can definitely be masculine. Sunny's excited to be able to have ponytails and all the outfits and makeup and stuff she'll be able to wear that'll look cute with longer hair. 

We were reading about when people have special interests that are other people (especially people they know, not so much celebrities). It was something that like, at the time we couldn't relate to really, and we were trying to like imagine what it'd be like to have a special interest in a person who wasn't a famous person. Anyway like yesterday Sunny realized she (and maybe Duke?) have a special interest in a non-famous person, but just didn't realize it was also a special interest cause it's also been kinda a borderline idealization thing ykwim? I think that's why we were thinking about the ways that being autistic and being borderline overlap/look like each other sometimes. 

None of this has like anything to do with me really. I'm just chilling though. It's hard for me to relate to this body cause it's way different from mine in headspace (which is like slightly different from my canon body too). I think long hair is gonna help like all of us kinda uh... reconnect with our body. I don't know if anyone's been feeling like we look good lately. It'd be cool to just not care about looking "good" or "bad" or whatever but right now we do. Ah well, right? 

Oh, right though, I'm going to be hanging out with our partners this weekend and me and my boyfriend are gonna watch Predator (again) and Alien Vs Predator (for the first time, except I'm pretty sure someone in here has seen at least part of it). It's gonna be fun hopefully. We'll have a house to ourselves.

- Mac (and Sunny kinda)
malibunny: Icon, System (Default)
2017-10-11 06:13 pm
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...

Blendy today, except Carson was out earlier by himself. We woke up feeling sick and weird and we were feeling better for a while but now we feel sicker again, not sure what's up with that. We've been feeling kind of bad physically since Friday, it might be iron deficiency, or a number of other things, we're not sure. 

We like reading stuff about other systems being blendy and not knowing who's fronting sometimes/a lot because it makes us feel better about when we don't know who's fronting. Sometimes we worry that being blendy is some kind of proof we're not all real, but that's not true, and when we read about other systems being blendy we remember that.

We saw the new Blade Runner remake yesterday with our partner system! Yesterday was our 7 year anniversary with them, and it was fun, except we got really anxious last night and that sucked. The movie was good, although we had some major issues with the way race and gender were handled in it, but we also really like scifi, and we had forgotten the plot so it was intriguing and the visuals were really nice. Daisy especially liked it because it reminded her of the future she came from, being a robot and all. A lot of things resonated with her visually(?) and she's been itching to come out and chill on her own.

Hopefully tonight she can. We're making stew with our(?) mom. It's got fennel and tofu and mushrooms and onion and idk a bunch of stuff, it smells really good. It also has coconut in it though which we hate so hopefully we'll still like it. We're pretty sure we will, and we'll eat it anyway and pretend we're a fairy eating the stew we have prepared in the woods :) (haha because we are a fairy/fairies eating food we made just not in the woods). 

- 27
malibunny: Pisces (Pisces)
2017-10-08 01:23 pm
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Anniversary

Our and our partner system's seven year anniversary is coming up on tuesday! 10/10 :D 

This weekend we went to a beach in a park that wasn't crowded at all, and it was super nice out! Every time we were wading and saw a wave coming you could see schools of little fish in the crest of the wave and then when the waves crashed all the little fish would dart back out and jump out of the water and stuff. It was so cool! We also saw a gator, gopher tortoise, raccoon, and turtle along the way. 

It was mostly Me and Carson out, we are trying to get Mac and Daisy to come out more but I got all sad and stuff today and had a hard time letting go of the feelings so I could switch out better. Hopefully soon, I know they're here it's just hard not to hog the front for us. We got lots of sweet presents for our anniversary though! It was fun to exchange gifts, and all in all it was a great weekend! 

There's probably more to write about but I'm just gonna leave it here I think. Hope everyone is having a nice night!

- Sunny & Carson
malibunny: Sunshine (Sunshine)
2017-09-14 09:36 pm
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Irma Aftermath

We were without power until today, but I've been staying with our partner system who got power back day before yesterday! The stuff after the hurricane has been much worse than the storm for us. We've had a lot of dreams that were eerily similar to what happened after the storm when we had no power and cell towers were down so we could barely get in contact with anyone. Having no air conditioning was hellish too, everything has felt like a long bad dream. 

2/3 of Florida homes were without power, which is completely nuts, I feel even worse for people still without power who got it worse than we did, because what we're feeling is hard to explain but it's really just a weird haze and everything feels like it's not really our life. I just want things to go back to normal, and they will, but for right now I'm in a nice house with power and I'm with my partners and that's nice. 

On the plus side, we saw It twice and it was sooo good! I think I already posted about it after the first time we saw it but we saw it again day before yesterday.

- Sunny
malibunny: Sunshine (Sunshine)
2017-09-09 10:09 pm

Recently & It

Recently I've been watching sooo much stuff. We've been watching tons of Youtube videos cause we remembered that like... You can just search whatever and then watch something on that topic, so we've been watching art videos and just a bunch of other stuff too. I started rewatching Kare Kano which I think I either read or watched part of a long time ago but barely remember and it's super cute so far. Then today I saw It, and despite some uncomfortable scenes (which luckily I knew the plot enough to strategically exit to the bathroom for most of) it was like super good! Plus Misty loves horror and was just like so excited to see a horror movie that lived up to our expectations. Like the only stuff we weren't super into was some changes to Beverly's story arc which we read about before seeing the movie, one like imo unnecessarily gruesome scene in the beginning, and also just being overall sick to death of the silly love triangle especially when it involves an author self insert haha. But whatever, we're already pumped for the second movie!

I'm trying to draw and stuff and it's going ok, we're still waitin around for Irma to pass over us, should be arriving tomorrow though. We hope everyone is staying safe! It was weird going to the mall to see the movie and there was like nobody there. Especially since it was opening weekend for It. We feel so energized by horror it's so nice. We were reading about special interests because we were wondering how people explain the difference between special interests and regular interests, and someone put it that special interests are like recharging to us, like it feels like it's not sooo much expending energy to involve ourselves but like idk it's like rejuvenating which I like and I wouldn't have thought to put it that way but it's true! We almost cried at like every horror trailer we looove seeing horror movies in theaters even bad ones it's such a perfect experience! 

It was funny too, during the movie the lights came back on in the theater twice and we don't know why. We remember when we saw that War of the Worlds movie in theaters that movie had biig lightning strikes in it, and the theater ended up losing power during the movie, and after the movie when we went out there was huge spiderwebby lighting all over the sky. 

- Sunny

Edit: we forgot to mention that the styles of the bullies in It are like Misty and Duke's ideal style, especially Henry Bowers and Patrick Hockstetter (who has hair kinda like how ours used to look/how we want it to look!!). They wish they looked like them soo bad! 
malibunny: Misty (Misty)
2017-09-07 01:28 am
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Art & Irma

 We've been trying to get very serious about how we approach our art recently. the main problem we have now is that we don't feel like we can come up with big projects to work on, because no idea is good enough, and we have a lot of creative block partially because we have so many pointless rules about what we can and can't draw. If something is too hard we shouldn't try because we'll get frustrated, but if it's "too easy" we shouldn't try because we're not challenging ourselves. 

It's okay, though. We're trying to improve our general skill, we started using a sketchbook again, which is nice, we missed traditional drawing honestly. We did some painting in our sketchbook today, and we want to maybe get a library card so that we can go to the library and pick up books to get references and studies from, because we're unnecessarily picky and Google image search is often less helpful than we'd like it to be. 

We do want to figure something out to do as a project, maybe we ought to brainstorm something soon, we want to do something horror related (predictably), but we don't know what yet. We're thinking about if it would be worth it to try and get a light box.

Irma is supposed to hit us around late Saturday, early Sunday. We should be alright, we're in central Florida, but we're hoping we won't lose power or anything. We're trying not to worry because we were living here when hurricane Charley hit, and we lost power for a few days, but didn't experience anything worse than that. We forget when hurricane season is every single year, even though we've lived here since we were 7. 

- Misty
malibunny: Sunshine (Sunshine)
2017-09-01 09:44 pm
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ctrl+v

 Just copypastin thoughts from our personal Tumblr bc it literally has 2 followers. Some of us may elaborate more on my thoughts later in a dif post or something but this is jus to remind us.

sometimes we wonder if our identifying as ace (for some of us) is part of us just being ashamed of sexuality ? also some of us are ace but like … idk i wonder sometimes. i dont think i’m ace (i’m definitely not gkldsjfl idk what i’m thinking saying ~i don’t thiiiink~) but like we were thinking about it earlier and wondering if that’s the case, like we know that we hate for other people to think of us as sexual beings (again, at least for some of us) but is that actually being ace or just being ashamed? does it actually matter?
 
- sunby 
 
so as it turns out if you look at something triggering it’ll give you nightmares and you won’t be able to sleep & you’ll feel horrible for days no matter how much you keep insisting that you’re not actually neurodivergent or traumatized and you’ve faked everything
 
- *misspells my name for fun* subby 


malibunny: Sunshine (Sunshine)
2017-08-31 05:34 pm
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Life Updates!

 Been bad about postin here :< 
  • Realized seals are a special interest (mostly harbor seals and elephant seals and not leopard seals or sea lions). we totally thought we just really liked seals but yeah haha 
  • Might have a job of sorts =_= I'm worried but it's a good thing
  • Getting our ACNL towns sorted out better, finally have the Beautiful Town ordinance back in Owl Cave! Teufort is now a Night Owl town :3
  • Related: my house in Owl Cave is super cute rn and the Owl Cave mayor, Luna, has her museum exhibits turning out way nicer than they were (random item storage and gyroid collections before)
  • Agreed to drive our friend to her job 3 days a week which is pretty fine, the drive isn't bad cause her job is like 5 minutes from my house and she lives about 20 minutes away, though it'll be longer in traffic
  • Haven't been feeling very much like drawing lately which sucks. We really gotta keep up momentum but we just have no energy or inspiration, IDK how long this is gonna last
  • I'm still trying to figure out my memories and junk 
  • Me and Carson are still frontstuck most of the time /sigh, but Mac and Misty and Daisy have been around too

- Sunshine

malibunny: Sunshine (Sunshine)
2017-08-20 02:51 pm
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Sometimes I Wonder

I've been trying to figure out how I relate to being like... a monster girl, for lack of a better word... like how I relate to horror and whether it's like a otherkin thing or what exactly? I'm a facet of Carson but I guess the part of him I am is like um... darker in certain ways? Not to be dramatic haha. Anyway I've been trying to sort through my relationship with horror and how I see myself and how I relate to stuff like that and my past (outside of this body and stuff). Idk things are weird or they're not, it's hard to tell haha. Ignore this I guess it's just me rambling kinda.

- Sunshine
malibunny: Misty (Misty)
2017-08-15 11:16 pm

What Is Neurotypical

 Something we, and a lot of people, struggle with is feeling fake. We've been thinking about it a lot, and what contributes to it, and these are some of the things that we have come up with that have worsened our black and white thinking when it comes to neurodivergence and also bpd specifically.

At least one of the issues I've identified is the kind of posts I see on tumblr and twitter that are something like "*has a good day* guess I'm neurotypical now!" or things like people saying "anybody neurotypical enough to help me with _____?" (something we have seen people say btw, these aren't hypotheticals). 

Neither of these posts are Bad with a capital B or anything. But what we've been noticing is how much the sentiment behind them, and Tumblr's (as if Tumblr is a monolith lol) attitude toward neurodivergence has affected our insecurity, which was certainly there before we ever used Tumblr. Maybe Tumblr is just magnifying everyone's insecurities, and turning them into funny/relatable posts, we're never sure how we feel about that aspect of it. 

We're terrified whenever we have a good day, or heaven forbid a good few days, or a good week, that we've become neurotypical, we're totally cured and now all our friends will leave us when they realize how good we have it. We see it often where someone will say "I'm having a bad mental health day-- not that I ever have good mental health days" and it upsets us that people, ourselves included, feel the need to justify things like this. Having a bad mental health day shouldn't make anyone worry that people will assume that their other days are just peachy, nor should it be a bad thing if their days actually are peachy usually. I know for us it comes from a fear of being misunderstood, we hate to think that anyone will make assumptions about us, but we're working on not justifying the things we say or do that don't need justifying. 

The line between neurotypical and neurodivergent is not black and white, sometimes it's political, sometimes it's sexist or racialized, and in the end, much of it is just arbitrary in the sense that we draw a line where things are often blurry and not nearly so cut and dry as the lines make them seem (say, in the case of personality disorders, which are also often used in ways by doctors that aremisogynistic and racialized). I guess the point I'm making is that I don't like the way we talk about neurodivergent vs neurotypical as if it's a clear cut line, that either you Are, or you Aren't.

Logically we know that us having a good day, or at least, us having had almost a year of relatively stable moods does not undo the years of instability, nor does it override the dissociation and other symptoms we still experience, but we think that the kind of flippant posts we see and the environment we're in on Tumblr/Twitter does contribute to our literally constant worrying and beating ourselves up over whether or not we're neurodivergent/neurodivergent Enough. 

Sometimes it feels like, though surely not intentionally, Tumblr (or at least the specific Tumblr community/circles we're in) does create an environment in which it feels like you have to suffer performatively to prove that you are neurodivergent enough. You have to be at "peak suffering" lest your neurodivergent card be taken from you. 

Then again, this could be us just being borderline and not actually seeing things clearly due to the way we tend to look at the world. We're never sure. Are we even borderline? I'm trying not to think about it too hard to stop myself from freaking out about it. 

Congrats you got to the end of my long post! :) I'd appreciate comments/thoughts on this, even (maybe especially) if you disagree!

- Misty
malibunny: Tracy (Tracy)
2017-08-15 02:39 pm
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Hey

 I'm thinking about me and Sunny and Daisy's origins specifically. We're the only ones with lives outside the system (it's arguable for Carson). Anyway, I'm feeling really chill today and that's nice, I haven't been out in like months or something, I could introduce myself if I wanted maybe. 

I'm a northeasterner but my interests and the stuff I vibe with is pretty west coast. As far as my life before now goes, I lived in upstate New York, I'm 23 and would have been 23 sometime between about 1989-92 or so. I don't know if this is important to anyone, guess this is mostly for me LOL. Thing is, now I'm /not/ who I was then, I'm someone else by virtue of bein here at all. I don't really know what that means.

I like pine needles, but like the ones down here in Florida. Northern pines are neat too though, I like the way they smell on a hot day. I like hot days, at least if I can hike somewhere quiet. We haven't gone hiking in months though. I don't know if I inherited it from Duke and Misty, but I love Jackass (the show didn't even come out until 2000 though, but before there was Jackass there was Big Brother). I love Alice In Chains, as do a lotta us here. None of this proves that I'm a true teleport from the 90s, it's just listing off stuff I like because it's not like I've posted here before. I thought I was an offshoot of Carson for a long time, or at least everyone else did and confused me about it so it took us a while to figure out I'm not. Because of that I thought maybe I was gay because Carson's gay, but as long as I've been around, I've never had any kinda romantic or sexual feelings so that's kinda out the window. I wonder sometimes if someone's gonna come along and change that, but I doubt it, I just don't think I'm the type to have romantic feelings or otherwise. 

Anyway we applied for a job at a cupcake place today, I think I'd like it and I think some others of us would like it. That's all.

Peace,
- Tracy