malibunny: Misty (Misty)
malibunny ([personal profile] malibunny) wrote2017-07-17 02:05 pm
Entry tags:

Progress

 I had a friend when I was a kid who was 3 years younger than me, and we both loved to draw, and had always been artistic. Despite being 3 years younger than me (which with me at age 9 or 10 was a Huge difference), she was always better at drawing than me, especially really delicate, pretty anime styles with nice colors and full backgrounds. I always felt like I was a step behind her, and she improved so much soo fast, too. 

Anyway when I reactivated my Facebook recently, she requested me as a friend, and I figured I'd add her after a long time deliberating. She seems so happy and put together, and I just now saw what her art looks like now, and it's truly jaw-droppingly beautiful, and afaik completely self-taught. We went to art school for four years, and we're looking at her art wondering how we could ever possibly make something that beautiful. She seems so successful now, in comparison we feel like we look like we've just become more of a trainwreck. 

Our art looks like scribbles in comparison, and it worries us that our art may not ever be marketable or skillful. I know that the best way to look at this is that everyone does art differently, and i can't do what she does, just like she can't do what i do through virtue of being two different people with two completely different outlooks on life and art. Her art is beautiful and has gorgeous smooth colors and it's definitely evolved slightly away from anime style but it still is there and the influence on it has only made it better. I always felt like my art was so ugly because I couldn't master anime style, mine always looked clunky whereas she could easily recreate graceful shojo styles. Even though my style has evolved into exploring ugliness (which started then because when I got into Gorillaz, Jamie Hewlett's style inspired me to draw people and things that weren't idealized) and there's a lot of horror art that I make that I couldn't make the same if I had her exact style and outlook, I still always find myself envious of people who can draw sweet cute things in popular styles. 

I don't know if it's premature of me to wish I got more recognition for my art. I think first of all I need to make more art more often, and really put effort in, but a lot of the time it feels like I put so much effort into my art, and there's a certain gratification to just looking at it and making something that I like, but I wish other people liked it more, too, and I'm not sure how to help that part along, or if my art is just essentially unmarketable. I don't want to feel like I'm compromising who I am in order to make my art marketable, but at the same time I'm not sure if maybe my art just isn't that great (and then I wonder if I were to be switched with a popular artist, would my art continue to be popular if people were seeing it through the lens of already-accepted popular art). Idk, I won't deny that I still want to be popular just like I always have.

- Misty

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